Five Minutes of Your Time

can I have five minutes of your time? just until this song ends

there’s a war in my head and you’re the one pulling the gun

baby can you look up? maybe, if I’m still your baby

“it’s all water under the bridge,” but I just jumped

and I’m having trouble breathing

swallowing so much tears from this deep creek and you know I can’t swim

can you take off one of your earphones? so that you can hear my heart creaking

can you just see me? your point finger keeps following a line up on your phone

yet you have forgotten the lines that shaped me

are you still there? or have you ever been? I hold your body but it feels hollow

I keep falling into the empty keyhole next to your lung, deeper into you, running

towards the you I saw under that bright moon

when your smile reflected its crescent shape

was she ever there? or was I just

seeing my own reflection in your eyes?

have you had enough? will you let me know?

I’m bleeding out, words escaping me

my therapy appointment is in ten minutes and I need five to

rearrange my brain and guts so I won’t cause a scene

if looking at me in the eye was too much, I would turn my back

and actually leave you this time

for good, for the bad in each other, for the ugly crying face I’ve been keeping from you

but I can’t promise I won’t look back

just taking a glimpse, wondering you’re still there

this feels like the Underworld and I’m Orpheus’ understudy

we both know Eurydice will let us go either way

please, just five minutes of your time

just five sentences I have timed perfectly

on the way to my place after I saw you last night, your eyes droopy with apologies

“I’m sorry,” (silence) “this isn’t you,” (silence) “I’m just not ready,” (silence) “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” (silence) “you deserve better”

but I need to hear it from you, this time

not from me between silent sobs during unsober nights

just five minutes of those five short sentences

and

your silence

so I can feel judgement falls upon me with a life sentence

can I have five minutes of your time? I don’t want to replay this song again

I want you to tell me what I deserve so I will believe it

this song was my favorite and it reminded me of you

and I will probably stop listening to it

for five days, five weeks, five months, five years

but I promise by the time I hear it again, I will be

someone

deserving of me

(12 February 2025)