To Sit With You

I listened to “david” by @lorde from her latest album “virgin” so much lately. I started thinking about michaelangelo’s “david” and dogs, and how sad I am for not doing a good job training/mothering my puppy, and how guilty she must’ve felt for not yet being good.

what was michaelangelo thinking when he was chipping away marble, carving david into existence out of all that wasn’t him, and what was david thinking, seeing goliath for the first time, did he feel a sense of regret for making god his god who always asked too much of him?

I think about all the times I chip myself away, carving my self into what others want, following commands, mistaking being good to being loved. I used to think if I were an animal, I would be a greyhound, always tired of racing, hoping I would be for long, I would belong, no longer to win or to lose, to fight to be free, to bite or to bleed, that the never-ending itch I was scratching was my search for love, that to be good is to love, and live, and that love may be lost one day, but until that that day comes, I will sit and be good.


To Sit With You

if I had known, this morning, I was not meant to run today, when they woke in a hurry, keys dangling and bones cracking, stomach hurling, my stomach too, if I had known, I would not bite their hands and feet, hoping they would not yank the string on my neck and sleepy legs, if had known, I would sit and be good.

if I had known, this afternoon, I could chase after the flying yellow, without showing my teeth, a thing of beauty they called a butterfly, to let her live, to make a life of beauty, I would sit and be good.

if I had known, this night, I could sleep and feel their gentle hands on my neck, on my back, on my stomach, and that mouth was not only meant for barking but for saying “I love you”, too, I would sit and be good.

if I had known love, I would sit and be good.

-after lorde’s “david”, july 2025